Dating, Parenting

Single mummy, are you ready to date: Part 2

Is there value in singleness? Photo by Jessica To’oto’o on Unsplash.

Getting ready step one: Be who you want to attract! 

So I talked last time about getting your mindset right so you can attract a high quality man into your life and have that satisfying wonderful relationship that you deserve! 

The first step in getting ready was being who you want to attract. So we’re going to take a look at this step in a bit more detail and think about how you can apply it in real life. 

Being a High Quality/ High Value Person 

Are you a women who is positive, passionate, and enjoying life? When you are feeling positive about life, have hobbies or work that you love, fantastic friendships and enjoy your life without a partner then you will become the kind of person high value men are drawn to!

High Value people offer three things to others: attention, acceptance and appreciation. 

Now is the time to give yourself and your kids some focused attention — enjoy yourselves! Appreciate those positive people around you, the everyday little things you’re grateful for and show yourself and your kids some acceptance. Adopt a “I’m okay, You’re okay!” attitude. 

As single mumma’s we deserve a bit of attention, appreciation and acceptance! Let’s give it to ourselves first! 

Getting out of a funk  

If you’re feeling down and life’s not great then this is the time to examine it a bit. There are actually lots of surprisingly simple ways to lift yourself out of a rut.

One, proven by neuroscience to work, for example is saying what is going well that day. Try setting an alarm on your phone for 3-5 times a day. When it goes off ask yourself (and your kids) “What is going well right now?” Or “What is good today?” It’s amazingly effective! 

Another powerful tool is to focus on strengths — yours and your kids. Are there things you do particularly well? Can you do them more? Build on them?

Perhaps you have something about your personality that is a real strength of yours. Maybe you are really good at making friends, or comforting people who are distressed? When we focus on our strengths and think about how we can use them more and develop them we feel more positive in general.  

Psychologists talk about five areas that we can work on to improve our lives. 

  1. Positive Emotion — developing a more positive, optimistic outlook. 
  2. Engagement — finding things that you really enjoy or that challenge you and that you feel engaged doing. 
  3. Relationships — Great friendships, family relationships and connections with others. Acts of kindness to others, for example, increases our well-being.  
  4. Meaning — feeling of belonging to and serving something bigger than yourself, like your family, faith, community, social causes etc. 
  5. Accomplishment — achieving or mastering something. It can be at work, a hobby, sport or a goal you’ve set yourself. 

It’s not about being perfect! 

Now, what I’m not talking about here is being completely happy with yourself before you start dating. If we all waited around until we thought we were completely perfect and there was nothing about ourselves that needed improvement we’d be single forever! 

We will always have things about ourselves that we are not completely happy with. There will always be areas we can work on, grow in and develop — perhaps we need to get fitter and healthier, heal from past emotional injuries, or work on removing a bad habit. That’s just life! 

What I am talking about is looking at yourself and your life and taking this opportunity to change things for the better for you and your kids. 

The value of being single

People often underestimate this very valuable time in your life — singleness. If you are single right now then that’s an exciting place to be! I know it can be lonely and difficult, but it’s also a rare chance to focus on you and your kids without another adult to worry about. Romantic relationships take effort. They take time. When you are single you’ve got all that time and energy, which would normally be used on a relationship, to spend on yourself. 

Enjoy it! Value it! Is there a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try out? Or something you’ve always wanted to study?

Take this opportunity to re-examine your friendships, learn about healthy boundaries or study what good relationships look like. There are plenty of podcasts to learn from such as Terri Cole’s Hello Freedom podcast, and great books like John Gottman’s Seven Principles of Making Marriage work. 

This is also a great Tedtalk by Tracy McMillian about loving yourself! I highly recommend it. 

Until next time!

Kelly  

 

 

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